You gotta work! 7 tips to bridge the gap with your stay at home spouse

Grownup Gripe: I work my ass off all day and then I can’t even catch a break at home.

First to you single parents, I don’t know how you do it. It’s impossible with two people!

This may not pertain to you but if you know someone in Corporate America (or any job) who has a stay at home spouse pass on.

Does one parent stay at home and is the other one considered the breadwinner?

If so do you feel like you two are on totally different pages pretty much all of the time?

Here’s the SECRET: learn how to speak your partner’s language to get anything you want.

Yeah you heard me that’s right! When you are trying to CHANGE their behaviors you want them to actually listen to you, right?!?

How many times have you talked about something yet nothing gets accomplished?

You both need to get on the same page.

The good news is you know your partner well so you know what makes them tick.

If you approach them in a way where they won’t be on the defense you’ve got a leg up.

Ensure you understand what’s in it for them!

Figure out how what you need or want effects your partner FOR THE BEST.

When you finally go in for the ask immediately follow up with the ways it would make your partner’s life better.

Hate to say it but at the end of the day everyone really cares about themselves.

Frame your agenda as a win-win for all.

It softens the blow and keeps their attention.

In addition to what you say, WHEN you say it is just as important. Timing is everything.

If your partner’s full attention is not on you and ONLY you at the time you’re trying to make your point, you’re SOL. Phones down.

In college and corporate, I always knew I’d become a homemaker but it’s been hard to give up my identity as corporate ladder climber to the three-beam at the local park.

Here are lessons from corporate merged with my current transition in-house know how to help put things in perspective because I truly understand both sides of it.

Discuss with your partner and leverage these tips at home, it’ll be a win-win for all.

7 WAYS TO BRING YOU AND YOUR WORKAHOLIC SPOUSE TOGETHER

  1. Speak their language to get what you want. What I mean by this is if your partner is a number person, quantify your efforts. If they’re used to people reporting to them, break down all you do in a day. If they’re laid back don’t come in hot. If you talk to them in a way they understand they’re more apt to listen.                                                     
  2. What’s in it for me-WIIFM? Even selfless people can be selfish. If you’re making a point, you really need to make them understand how what you’re doing or want to do affects THEM for the better.                                                                                                 
  3. Even though you two live totally different lives during the day stay connected. Ask about their day, allow them to unload. Be a confidante and offer up good advice so you’re viewed more as a partner and they’ll want to reciprocate. Listen if you don’t want to hear about his coworker Phil he doesn’t want to hear about your run-in with Sue at the store but sync up or you’ll be two ships passing by.                                                                                                                                                         
  4. Timing is everything! And not just when you’re talking. Right when your partner gets home from work give ‘me a break for a minute. I know your counting the seconds til they come home but understand they may need to regroup for a minute especially after a long trip. Don’t expect some ‘Leave it to Beaver’ old school welcome. Give them a few (minutes not hours) to decompress before throwing the kids in their laps.                                                                                       
  5. Stop forgetting about the small stuff, a small kiss when they get home sets you off on the right track. Buy their favorite treat, it won’t go unnoticed. The devil is in the details but those little devils are what separate YOU from everyone else.                                    
  6. Don’t freak out if they bring work home. Maybe your partner IS a workaholic but they don’t probably want to be working 24/7. Unfortunately, some jobs are more high maintenance than others. Don’t forget money never sleeps.                                                                                                                                                           
  7. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.  Even though you want to rip their head off at times, keep in mind they’re stressed out too (and they need those hands to work ha). The high road may be your best bet.

Click here to put these tips to work right away.  There’s space under each column to fill in for your particular situation.

Additionally please take note, just because a spouse works at home doesn’t mean there’s no contribution to the bottom line.

They say time is money and our time is definitely worth something. Research reveals the average salary for a stay at home spouse would be at least $162,000 per year.

That’s right but the fact of the matter is the number of hours checked in at the house is way more than 90 hours per week. 

I could list out all you do but you don’t need a reminder. A stay at home spouse NEVER is off the clock. If you do the math, it’s at the least a 14 hour/7 day a week job. 

You both need to appreciate the others’ role and it will go a long way in preserving your relationship.  Communication is key, always keep that open if you want to stay together. 

This post hopefully will help you communicate more effectively. 

If you know someone who’d benefit from these tips, please share with your tribe.

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